Michael Braun's Blog

Let’s think of life as a puzzle. There are multiple pieces to each life, and they fit together to form the total picture of existence. When pieces don’t fit together, there tends to be disharmony as we strive to find a way to make things work. For example, when work overlaps with home, we feel tension. When the pieces do all fit together, however, we tend to feel like things are right and don’t need a change.

If we think about life in this way, then let’s think about ways in which the pieces of life do not serve as harmonizers, even when they all fit together. In these cases, the pieces of our life become irreplaceable and interlocked so much that changing one ruins the rest. It is these kinds of connections, I argue, that it is good to avoid.

Imagine a situation in which your home life dictates a certain type of work life, which in turn dictates a certain type of relationship. For example, you purchased a very expensive house. Paying the mortgage on that house requires you to work 70 hours a week. Working that much means the relationships you can have are fleeting, as you must surrender romantic attachment for more work. Another example, a high schooler insists she must have a car because she needs it to get to work. She needs the job so that she can pay for her car. It’s these type of connections between the different parts of our lives that make it difficult to change.

Not every bad situation we find ourselves in is a result of too many interlocking pieces. And sometimes it is those pieces that can make choices easier. For example, if you have a low-paying job that you like, it limits your options for certain purchases. This can make it easier to compromise on purchasing something expensive like a car. Having unlimited options in anything we do would likely lead to less happiness, not more, because of the increased possibility for regret.

But when things in your life don’t seem to be going well, then it may be time to look at how interchangeable are parts of your life. If staying in a terrible job is the only way to afford a large mortgage, then it’s time to consider replacing both. Sell the house and quit the job. These two interlocked pieces must be changed together, or they can’t be changed at all. If you own a car only to enable you to afford owning a car, then maybe it’s time to relinquish both responsibilities.

I write about this idea after hearing someone express a similar predicament, so perhaps these types of constraint aren’t so obvious when you are actually ensnared in them. Suffice it to say, if you feel things aren’t going right for you, but any one part of your life is not easily changeable, then it may be time to think about changing two or three things all at once. That’s not necessarily an easy pill to swallow, but which is worse – a lot of change, or the same old unhappiness?