Technology and Kids
This weekend, I was treated to a lengthy discussion about technology and teenagers by some over-cautious relatives. Their take-home point seemed to be that the internet was inherently bad, even if it did have some good features; that all information available on the internet was likely to be incorrect; and that putting personal information on the internet was akin to giving up your right to privacy. While there are levels of truth in each of these opinions, I think my relatives ignore the broader picture, especially in the internet’s importance to teens.
Never in our lives do we face more pressure to conform than in our teenage years. A teen who diverges from perceived norms in any area is likely to face social pressure. Sure, teens are a very diverse group, but it’s unlikely to meet a teen who claims to never have faced pressure from friends regarding dress, style, speech, activities, et cetera. Thus, as the internet becomes more entrenched into our daily lives, it’s important for parents to recognize and understand the importance of the internet in allowing a teen to fit in socially.
To deal with this, parents could try either of two extremes. They could embrace technology fully, allowing their teen full reign over any and all technology and information, without regulation or supervision. They could instead approach all things related to the internet with extreme caution, banning their teen until the parents faced enough pressure from their peers (yes, parents feel peer pressure too) to allow their child access to instant messaging, social networking, picture sharing, et cetera.
Both these approaches have real benefits and downsides. Giving their teen free reign on the internet may work well if they trust their teen and are not concerned about the wide-array of material available. Restricting their teen will keep the teen safe from any unpleasant material that they would prefer the teen not see. But free reign means the teen is unsupervised, not the path many parents would want. And extreme restriction means straining the relationship with parents and potential social exclusion for the teen.
There is a better way. Parents can seek the middle road, allowing cautious access to popular sites of which parents have a reasonable understanding. This requires research on the part of the parent, which may be a difficult undertaking. Many parents are technophobic and reluctant to change their ways. To combat this, I propose the following 3 steps for parents.
1. Embrace technology with your teen. If you are especially concerned about your teen and new technology, then your teen may very well be the perfect person to help relieve your fears. When your teen seeks to start using a new technology, insist that they first show you how the technology works. For example, say your 13 year old daughter wants to join Facebook. Consult your network of parents, including the parents of your daughter’s friends, and then, get your daughter to first help make you a Facebook page. This way, she gets to educate you and you get to learn all about the technology. Once you are on Facebook and deem it okay, allow your daughter to join with the stipulation that the two of you be friends.
2. Understand internet limitations. As I listened to my relative speak about the internet, she expressed shock and indignation that Wikipedia could be edited by anyone. To her, that meant that the information available was useless. I feel that that couldn’t be farther from the truth. When needing the most recent information, it’s hard to imagine turning to an encyclopedia (even one from this year) to get current information. Rather I look to Wikipedia for up-to-date information that can inform and educate me about the world. Information from the internet does have limitations, but for everyday use, something like Wikipedia is perfect. You can’t trust everything you read, no matter the source; reputable sources on the internet should be treated with just as much skepticism and just as much respect as print sources.
3. Set reasonable limits. Teens may not be able to set reasonable limits for themselves, especially as the internet may serve as their main line of communication to the world. Thus, you must set limits for their use of the internet. Doing so will give you peace of mind (that the internet is not rotting their brain), a feeling of control, and a basis on which to initiate other conversations about internet use. To imagine that giving your teen access to Facebook means that she will not do her homework any longer is only a reasonable fear if you fail in your duty as a parent.
The internet may be a confusing, scary place, especially for a technophobic parent. But when overzealous in restriction, parents run the risk of harming their children more than the internet would. No matter a parent’s level of comfort with the technology, teens need to have the skills required to communicate with their peers, their schools, and the world at large. The internet is only dangerous if used incorrectly. With proper guidance, parents can keep their kids safe, expand their own knowledge base, and embrace technology all at the same time.
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