James Dobson Wrote The Bible
Breaking news, famed evangelical psycho James Dobson, founder of “Focus on the Family”, has announced that he wrote the bible, thus ending years of speculation as to who the author (actually, presumed authors) was. Such a prolific work, its reach extending through generations, yet all written by Mr. Dobson. Exceptional, when you consider he doesn’t look that old! Ugly, yes – but millions of people worldwide would still kill to find out his anti-aging secrets.
The real news, aside from the newly revealed authorship, is that Mr. Dobson is accusing Barack Obama of distorting Mr. Dobson’s monolithic work! And who would know better this fact than the man who wrote the book? Shame on you, Mr. Obama – Mr. Dobson knows everything about the bible and is god’s singular mouthpiece on earth. He was with Jesus, he was with Moses, Noah, Job, everybody. So basically, Mr. Obama, you don’t know shit about nothing. Only Mr. Dobson does.
You know what, if Mr. Dobson is the singular authority on the bible, why the hell would anyone read it? Why would Mr. Obama waste time even thinking about it? If Mr. Dobson can stand and tell the world that Mr. Obama is distorting the bible (indeed, “dragging biblical understanding through the gutter”), acting as if he is the ultimate authority, then why are millions of people worldwide still practicing Christianity? Mr. Dobson is a psychopath. He’s also racist, sexist, and homophobic. But hey – everybody! – listen up! Mr. Dobson says Barack Obama is distorting the bible! Now if Mr. Dobson could just explain why I should care about his opinion…. Maybe he can do that in his next book.
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