Sacred Unions
Thursday, March 6th, 2008I need my gay marriage ban to convince me that it is worth getting married in the first place! If two consenting, unrelated adults are allowed to marry, even if they are the same sex, then what is the point of two opposite sex, consenting, unrelated adults getting married? Seriously, if a guy and a guy get hitched, I definitely never want to marry a woman.
Why?, you ask. What’s the difference? The difference is that I am jealous. Everyone knows that male friendship is the highest bond two people can form. Just look at how many times these relationships are addressed in literature. The strongest partnerships are between two men, not between man and woman. I want to marry a man, not a woman, because then I can have true fulfillment in my life. Women and men are fundamentally incompatible. Their parts are different. They think differently. They are actually from different planets (women are from Venus, men from Mars, according to recent academic papers). We have communed on Earth, two alien species trying to figure out how to make this all work.
I don’t need that temptation! I don’t want to know that I could marry my best male friends and establish a perfect partnership. If I did that, I would never have children. The thought of that, too, is quite tempting. I could live in perfect harmony with the perfect partner, with nothing to do for the rest of my life but make money, have fun, and cultivate my legacy of playboyishness. I’d be the ultimate man’s man!
Oh, don’t tempt me with the possibility, California Supreme Court, currently hearing arguments on why same sex couples should be allowed marriage rights. It makes me want to call up Amos, Tony, Anthony, Dan, or whomever (any male will do, as they would ultimately make so much a better partner for me than Lauren), and move to California, where we can get married and live in bliss! This is what legalizing same sex marriage would do. I would never want to marry a woman, never copulate or reproduce, and certainly never embrace the sacred institution that can only be formed between a man and a woman according to god, but now superseded (potentially) by the California Supreme Court. They may very well improve on the sacred plan made by god and give me my ultimate dream (kept at bay by the current ban on such partnerships).
So obvious is the danger of legalizing same sex marriage that I am surprised more people are not against it. Let us fight temptation and make sure marriage can only happen between a man and a woman. If we do not, I surely will run off to California. And after marrying a man, if that doesn’t work out, no doubt I will soon try to marry a horse, then a dog, and then a rock. It’s a deliciously slippery slope. The only thing I love more than my brilliant logic is men!